I almost always seem to put myself in an embarrassing situation. Once again this morning, I had to sprint from my apartment building to catch the bus. I wasn't late - as I'm rarely late these days, but I don't know how I somehow seem to always run for the bus. Those bus drivers must be getting pretty sick of me already. *pause dramatically for a silent applause*
Okay where is my standing ovation? The other day, being the genius that I am, I read some freaking ghost story at work (shh don't let my Director know about this). On Saturdays only our office will be open and it's on the fourth floor (also known as Suite 3A), and all the other floors will be silent. So that means the other floors toilets won't have people using it.
Since all the children (Which are students) will use the fourth floor toilet, so I decided to go to the third floor toilet (and yeah, right after reading the damn story). As I got on the elevator, I realized that I might be scared to go to the toilet alone, but, well, there's no turning back right? So as I got off the elevator at the third floor, I heard the sound of a door closing somewhere in the back (where the toilets are situated). I froze in my footsteps, not sure whether to go ahead or not.
Thinking that I'm silly and that I let my imagination run wild, I shook my head and walked to the toilet. I was cautious though, hoping not to bump into 'anyone'. Just as I turned into the corner, holding my breath in, I was caught by surprise....by one of the teacher from my office. I was so relieved - thank god he was in solid form. He almost made my heart burst out in fear.
No more ghost stories for me.
Today, I sent an email to my colleagues, and trying to be humorous, I used my friend's name and repeated her last name, which turned out to be a bad word in Hokkien. It is not something to be said in public, and luckily I didn't send that email to the whole office, or I'd have to find a place to bury my head in.
I'm never using words that I'm not sure what the meanings are of.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Tom - Our beloved dog - died 28/07/2012
This is Tom, and he is our dearly beloved pet that has left us forever.
It's only been a day and I miss him like crazy, although I haven't seen him in a while since I moved out. Do you know how much your family misses you, Tom?
I start to cry again when I think of you. I feel so bad for the times I've scolded you when you sit in front of me and stare at me eating - you know how I hate people/animals staring at me. I would order you to go outside, and you would obediently run into your cage, although I didn't ask you to get in the cage. And then in a few minutes when I call you back to maybe give you the balance of my food, you'd run all the way to me as if i didn't just scold you a minute ago. You are such a loyal dog.
I know we've all been angry with you - why do you always want to run out of the house, the minute you see us open the gate to go out? I know it's in your animal instincts, but do you know how worried we get when you go for a long time - we worry you won't be able to find your way back, like your brother, Bill who is like a stranger now to us.
I miss now that I don't have a pet to stare at when I go home. Do you know that I like to see your antics? It's like a boring little entertainment to me. And the way you'd make your puppy dog little face that I'd feel pity on you, and let you in yet your fur flies all over the house.
Do you know that mommy will miss you too? Yeah, she yells at you when you poop all over the house and destroy our gate, and run out the gate at every chance and also bark at anyone that passes our house, but you know she loves you like she loves her own children? She makes sure you get your food everyday and will cook it to your liking - rice with a little of curry/sambal plus fried egg. You never get the rice without egg.
Do you know how daddy will miss you? He seems to love you more than anyone else, because you're the only one who would never contradict a thing he says, and if mommy scolds you - you run to dad, hoping he would protect you.
Do you know how Icca would miss you? She's the one who'd play silly run to the gate and back games with you - and let you kiss her mouth (chuckles) and also spoil you and take you for rides in her car. She'd miss doing that now.
Do you know Peechy will miss you? She's a big bully and scaring you by opening her umbrella is her idea of fun. You are afraid of that, but somehow you'd run to her when she calls you. And no matter how she bullies you for her own entertainment, she would pet and cuddle you all the same.
Do you know how Tebby would feel? He says he doesn't care about you but we all can see through that lie. He loves you just as much as I am not admitting.
Finally, do you know how much Nicu would miss you - she was the one who forced mommy and daddy to bring you home when you and Bill were only about a month's old. Those days seemed like a long time ago. I really thought you'd be with us for years, Tom, not 2 years.
But I guess God loves you better and decided to take you up to his home - he must have seen what a beautiful soul you are. This could be your last life before you sit up there in heaven, and I'm happy that we were the ones to take you in. You are lucky to have 7 people who loved you till death.
I write this so that you will always be in our memories - no matter where you are. I know that you are in a much more safer place than here - where people see you barking at them and want to throw stones at you. Up there you don't have to bark at anyone.
We love you Tom, and you will remain in our hearts always - as the most mischievous little monster that you were.
Friday, June 22, 2012
New Life...
I'm so nervous, because in about two weeks time I will be moving to Penang in a whole new environment. I've got a new job and it's totally different from what I've been working as all these while. I've been working all along wearing work uniform, but now I've got to dress smartly casual (Whatever that is). Wish me luck!
Friday, June 8, 2012
How Do I Motivate my subordinates when I am Demotivated?
Ok so I went for a Leadership training the other day and instead of feeling motivated (as I was during training), i felt totally demotivated by the end of it. Why? Well, because I was asked to explain about my member's recruitment achievement (which didn't hit the target given by my Headquarters) and of course I could go on and on saying that I don't have enough staffs, I have two departments to take care of at once (mind you, I am not the Buddha with a lot of hands), and all sorts, but knowing HQ, I know for sure they're not going to accept my answer.
So instead, I honestly answered that probably my selling skills were not right (The thing i'm selling is my company's member's card). So flash forward to the next day which was yesterday, the HQ boss of mine came over for another evaluation and well I know he's not satisfied with my performance. I don't know what else to say to him; "I can't do sales job! I was never good at sales and never will be!"
But even I know that is not the right way, because people always say, you can't say no, you gotta always say yeah and stuff, but I've been saying yeah for almost two years now, and come on, let's be realistic, I am not cut out to do sales. That's the reason I bypass any jobs in any classified that has the word sales on it, regardless of how high they may pay. I signed up for this job because I like to talk to people (as in deal with customer issues and stuffs), but I don't want to sell things to them. I'm now like the people I avoid in shopping complexes who come up to us saying, "miss do you want to try this and that, we're having a promotion now."
The rejection is killing me slowly. Still I try, but i guess it's not enough. I don't know what else to do. Thus i get back to my topic, how do i Motivate others when I am demotivated? I know for a fact that motivation has to come from within myself, but we sometimes need a little prod in the right direction. I am supposed to come up with pep-talks and motivational encouragement to my sub-ordinates to make them sell our membership too, but how do I do that when I don't even belief in myself?
I can't go ahead and say, "You guys can do it if you believe, because i know you can," when deep inside i'm thinking, "I can't do this anymore." Won't I sound like all those hypocrites i despise? *Sighs*
I downloaded some motivational quotes using my phone, to help me motivate myself. Rationally I've got to motivate myself first before I go around preaching to others, right?
Say as you do, and do as you say, am I right?
So instead, I honestly answered that probably my selling skills were not right (The thing i'm selling is my company's member's card). So flash forward to the next day which was yesterday, the HQ boss of mine came over for another evaluation and well I know he's not satisfied with my performance. I don't know what else to say to him; "I can't do sales job! I was never good at sales and never will be!"
But even I know that is not the right way, because people always say, you can't say no, you gotta always say yeah and stuff, but I've been saying yeah for almost two years now, and come on, let's be realistic, I am not cut out to do sales. That's the reason I bypass any jobs in any classified that has the word sales on it, regardless of how high they may pay. I signed up for this job because I like to talk to people (as in deal with customer issues and stuffs), but I don't want to sell things to them. I'm now like the people I avoid in shopping complexes who come up to us saying, "miss do you want to try this and that, we're having a promotion now."
The rejection is killing me slowly. Still I try, but i guess it's not enough. I don't know what else to do. Thus i get back to my topic, how do i Motivate others when I am demotivated? I know for a fact that motivation has to come from within myself, but we sometimes need a little prod in the right direction. I am supposed to come up with pep-talks and motivational encouragement to my sub-ordinates to make them sell our membership too, but how do I do that when I don't even belief in myself?
I can't go ahead and say, "You guys can do it if you believe, because i know you can," when deep inside i'm thinking, "I can't do this anymore." Won't I sound like all those hypocrites i despise? *Sighs*
I downloaded some motivational quotes using my phone, to help me motivate myself. Rationally I've got to motivate myself first before I go around preaching to others, right?
Say as you do, and do as you say, am I right?
Monday, June 4, 2012
Fear of Non-Existence
Sometimes I wonder what happens when we die? Do we face rebirth or do we just fade into oblivion? What if we've been reborn again and again and finally some upper forces say we're done rebirthing, then what happens? Do we float in space - a nameless, faceless entity or do we join the Upper Forces in what others call Heaven?
I imagine our lives like reels of film - once one is completed, we have to replace the reel for the next movie. So let's say now we're in the 21st century and our movie ends then we'll be in the next 'movie' say in the 22nd century and so on and so forth. But what happens when the Earth no longer has centuries? What if the Earth is destroyed some billion years later when we're in the midst of changing our reel? Do we reborn in space, floating our existence away? Where do we go from there?
All I know about life is learning and growing up, finding your dreams and success, but does it all matter when we're a floating speck of dust in space? Is there a dream or goal to achieve when you're not in your human form? What are we we're not alive?
What is the fear of non-existence known as because I think I may be having it? Sometimes at night when I go to sleep, just before fading into slumberland, I think about non-existence and I have to control my heartbeat which starts to race in fear. I have to think of other things just to get the thought of non-existence out of my mind. Does anyone else feel the same as me?
I don't know the significance of the things I am doing in life when I think about my non-existence. Will it matter whether I have money or food or clothes when I do not exist? What am I if I don't exist?
The good thing is that when I wake up, I forget all about the fear of non-existence and go on with my usual routine, which is significant in the daylight than when I think about it at night.
Am I a freak?
I imagine our lives like reels of film - once one is completed, we have to replace the reel for the next movie. So let's say now we're in the 21st century and our movie ends then we'll be in the next 'movie' say in the 22nd century and so on and so forth. But what happens when the Earth no longer has centuries? What if the Earth is destroyed some billion years later when we're in the midst of changing our reel? Do we reborn in space, floating our existence away? Where do we go from there?
All I know about life is learning and growing up, finding your dreams and success, but does it all matter when we're a floating speck of dust in space? Is there a dream or goal to achieve when you're not in your human form? What are we we're not alive?
What is the fear of non-existence known as because I think I may be having it? Sometimes at night when I go to sleep, just before fading into slumberland, I think about non-existence and I have to control my heartbeat which starts to race in fear. I have to think of other things just to get the thought of non-existence out of my mind. Does anyone else feel the same as me?
I don't know the significance of the things I am doing in life when I think about my non-existence. Will it matter whether I have money or food or clothes when I do not exist? What am I if I don't exist?
The good thing is that when I wake up, I forget all about the fear of non-existence and go on with my usual routine, which is significant in the daylight than when I think about it at night.
Am I a freak?
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