How to survive a Zombie Apocalypse (The very best handbook there is :P)

No one bothers about the Zombie Apocalypse these days. The murmurs die down so people think that they’re safe. They’re not. Silence is dangerous. Silence is the idle wait for something worse. Silence is the eye of the Hurricane.

If you’re reading this, then it’s best chance that they are emerging. You would not have consulted this handbook otherwise. To survive a Zombie Apocalypse, you need to be brave, dauntless, strong, and most important of all, you need to be Prepared.

First on this ‘How to’ is to make sure you’re never alone. Never. The best way to survive is to be in midst of a group of bigger sized, tastier meat humans. Yes, you read that right. You need to be in the middle of this group – never stand on the outside – that’s the easiest target. If you’re in a big group and a group of zombies attacks, guess who falls first? You got that right, the perimeter surrounding you. By the time the zombies get to you, they’d be too full, they’d just walk pass you. Trust me. I know.

2nd. You have to have weapons. This is the number one ‘To-have’ in every other Zombie manuals, but none had the genius to give you the first tactic. Any sort of weapons will do, but I would suggest longer distance weapons are ideal as you would not need to stand directly in front of the zombies to kill them, and risk getting oozed on. The ideal weapons would be a bow and an arrow – Katniss style, a gun – lawman style, a rifle – the Winchester brothers style, discs – Snake Eyes style, or Boomerang – Australian man style. Try to stay away from daggers or knives – you really would not want to penetrate deep into the zombies heart to kill it – it’s disgusting. If you’re bad at targets and need closer-distance weapons, look for machete, axes, clubs or a broom.

Yes a broom. Why a broom you may ask? Well, let’s say you’re in your house, enjoying a nice, hot cup of coffee, and all of a sudden the siren blares – and you know in your heart what those sirens are for. Tell me where are you going to find a gun or rifle, or bows and arrows? You’d reach for the thing closest to you that resembles a weapon – and no, kitchen knives are a big no-no, unless you want to be drenched in Zombie gut, so yeah, pick up that broom and hold it like your sword.

This brings us to number 3. You can never go wrong with a partner. Yep, a fighting partner. Whether you’re a girl in need of a guy, a guy in need of a girl, a girl in need of a girl, a guy in need of a guy or any other combinations of that – you definitely need a fighting partner. Someone who makes the fight worthwhile. Or just to make the scene more enjoyable. A little banter before falling for each other is what every movie wants – I mean, any types of apocalypse needs.

What? You don’t need a partner? Well, then go the bloody hell ahead and get a cat. Hem hem… sorry for that. Shall we move on?

Okay number 5 is one of the most important – stay alive. I know, I know, Moriarty look-alikes would say – Staying alive is boring, it’s just… Staying… but that is crucial if you want to survive. after all the main theme of this post is surviving. What’s the point of going through all this fight and bravery only to… die. Yep, it’s intentional. Discreetly intentional.

Did you realize I didn’t put number 4? Well, four is obsolete. Nope, not everyone of you would get that. Four is just living through the days – going on with life.

Well, that escalated quickly. I’m going to just conclude this then. To survive a Zombie Apocalypse – guys seriously did you even read through that. You’d never survive if you follow my advices. Go to a bookstore, look for a zombie survival for dummy book and study that. ‘Nuff said.

We're All Just a Little Crazy

So I was having a conversation with my sister in the car while we’re driving home from work, and somehow inadvertently I likened the both of us to tumors. We have these random discussions lately, about still being single at this age and about finding the right man for us. Let’s face it; we’re not growing any younger. If anything, the clock is ticking to our thirtieth birthday – where I would disintegrate into desperation first. We have already decided, once I turn thirty and if I’m still single, we’d head out to the bars and find a guy – where my sis will be my wing man, or in this case, wing girl – or I’d sign up for some cheesy date site and seriously find a guy. Honestly, I’m not even looking right now.


That being said, we discussed about the traits of guys that we’d want to end up with. I know checklists should not be made, as they tend to end up in disappointment, so we’ve actually thrown away out mental checklist. Right now, we are resigned to the fact; as long as the guy can accept our crazy then he’s a keeper.

I’ve realized lately that I tend to push guys away. There’s a wall there, but trust me, it’s slowly crumbling down. My sis is not so different from me. Besides that, I’m a hundred different kinds of crazy. Everyone has their crazy side – mine being my ego, my stubbornness, my arrogance, my inability to be loving, my sarcasm, my temper, my lack of flirting genes, my mild OCD and well, the list is as long as the Nile – but somehow it is hidden when you’re being courted by a guy.

I realized that I show my crazy as soon as a guy shows interest, and face it, who would want to deal with that? Most guys want girls to be all sweet and demure and well, just girls, but I somehow lack some feminity (is this even a right word?). Not all, just some. I’ve had tons of people telling me to behave more like a girl and stuff, but honestly by doing that, I’m exactly the clone of every other species of the female in this world. I pride myself in being different, not an eccentric or a freak, but I value my individuality. I don’t run with the crowd and I have my opinion on things that sometimes are not agreeable to others.

I will not be a robot and be someone I’m not just because I want a guy to fancy me. If at all, there’s a guy who actually could accept me for who I am – then he’s the keeper. If he thinks that I’m clay to be molded in his way, well, he’s seriously barking up the wrong tree. I realize that to compete with my crazy, I don’t need Mr. Perfect or Mr. Right – I need Mr. Crazy-Who-Complements-My-Crazy. If he’s perfect, he’s just not right as I am not perfect. If he’s Right – he may be wrong for me. But if he has Crazy that I can handle, and if he can handle my Crazy – then I don’t see any problems with us in joining our crazy heads and building a crazy life and having tiny little baby crazy crawling around.

So, back to the tumor conversation with my sister, I told her that my crazy would be known as soon as I get comfortable with someone and if they can endure that, then they are welcome to step into my land of Bleeding Rainbows and Killer Unicorns. If they can get past the first level of crazy and battle the rest, they are the right crazy (or Crazy Slayer). My sister on the other hand doesn’t show her crazy until too late – and the guy will have no chance of backing out as he’s in too deep (not literally).

So that’s how I said that she’s like a benign tumor while I’m a malignant tumor. My crazy is revealed in the first stage itself and it takes crafted hands to remove it and remove it and keep on removing it until the tumor is cleared, or just to live with it. My sis on the other hand (Yes, she let me post this about her – believe me, I had to ask) is a tumor that you’d never realize until it reaches stage three and then it’s just too late.

I’m not saying it to make a farce out of cancer or anything. It’s just that our crazy is relatable to cancer – its incurable – and those who face it; God bless your soul.

So, in conclusion, my sis and I are reduced to nothing more than a tumor. I might have other things to relate us too, but for now its tumor. It could be butterflies next or even shoes – it just goes to show that my imagination runs wild and makes me think of things that don’t even make sense – but you know, it actually does… a little.

Ranting - Not spesific to anyone

You say that all the girls you've ever dated were psychos, clingy, materialistic minded, selfish and all things that you find you're tired of. Well, did you try opening your mind (and eyes) to see those who are actually good and would treat you well? Of course you didn't. Why? Because she's not thin enough, not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not stimulating enough, not hot enough, not enough to make you want her. What you didn't know is, if you actually widened your horizon, you might find that she's the one for you. She will not cling on to you and turn into a psycho. She will stand all your bad habits because she loves you regardless. She will be there for you when you're down - not run away at the slightest sign of distress. She will be your support, not your weight. She will go all out for you. And it's not because you're devastatingly good looking, or smart, or rich or anything. It's because she sees something in you that makes her heart race, that smile you give, that look you share, that heart inside of you. She doesn't want a saviour - she wants to be your saviour. Don't narrow your mindset and find rainbow coloured stones. If you picked up that jagged rock and shine it, you will see that it's more beautiful that the rainbow which is only temporary after a rain.

Emptiness

          I watched as people pass by me in blurry shadows. They seemed to be moving at a fast pace, I can't catch up. I see no faces, no features, only emptiness. I stand still, feeling the numbness envelope me. No one seemed to realize me standing there. I felt invisible, like I didn't existed.
         I try to take a step forward, but it feels as if my feet was made of lead and glued to the ground. I can't move forward, I can't even move back, it's impossible!
        

          Thunder rumbled and the first drops of rain falls on my head. I looked up to the sky to see the heavens open up to rain down on me. Everyone around me runs for cover and soon I was the only one left standing in the poring rain. The coldness bites through my skin, as I hug my body tight. There was nowhere I could run for cover. I felt the emptiness in me as I shivered against the cold wind and pelting rain.

        



Why do I feel so alone in this world even though I am surrounded by people?
          I have friends and family but when I come home, and sit in my room I feel like I'm the only one left in this world.
         And sometimes I even feel alone when I'm out there with people. What is missing?

          Some say that when you have unaccomplished dreams then you'd feel like there's something missing in your life. I do have dreams that I haven't reached yet, so could that be the reason for my emptiness?
     Others say that you need to be in love or in a relationship so as to fill that hole in your heart. But, I was in love once, and even at that time, I still felt that something was missing - a part of me that's not complete. So it can't be that I'm missing love, after all I do have the love of my family and friends.
        

Do I have to reach my dreams to fill up the emptiness or do i search my soul for the answers?

       Only I hold the key for the answers that my heart asks. If I can only unlock the answers then I don't have to go around looking for the answers. Maybe one day the sun will shine ahead and give me the enlightenment that I need.
        Maybe then I might rid myself of this emptiness inside and find a more fulfilling life for me.

P.S. :- I Love You.....But...You Love Her...

 Dear (insert name here) ,

          I see you smiling there. How I wish that it was for me. The stars seemed so bright in your eyes, and I can see a reflection in it. Not of mine, but of hers. The girl that had brought the smile to your face. The girl who is now living my dream of being with you.

          I still remember the first time I saw you. I know I didn't fall for you at first sight, but my feelings gradually grew, and I started to like you without knowing you.

It may be just a crush but I liked what I saw in my dreams. Of us floating on purple clouds and swirling purple fog, living in a dream world where everything was perfect. A perfect dream that is all lost to me now.

      I never told you how I felt. I kept it a secret from you as I fear rejection. You were already accepting me as a friend and I didn't want to lose even a little contact with you.

And then she came around, the perfect young woman to fit your perfect little world. With her cute face, and childish antics, I could see the attraction in your eyes. You, whom I've seen sitting around moping, seemed to be alive with new senses. You were smiling often, you were joking, and you were completely smitten by this girl.

         I watched to see my dream slowly crumbling into a dust heap at my feet. I knew she was no competition for me. I knew that I had lost you to this little frolicking girl who could give you all the happiness that you needed.

        

           All I could do was watch from the sidelines, as if I was watching a big screen television. It all seemed unreal to me. I want to be happy for you, but my heart aches. I know I have to let you go for me to move on, but my eyes can't turn away. I need strength, I need hope, and I need to learn to let go.

         

         You don't see the tears falling behind the mask of happiness that I'm wearing in front of you. I'm hiding from the pain. I don't want you to know what I feel. I just want you to know that I am happy and that I think you belong with her as you both look perfect together. I would just leave it all and find my own way in this world. I will find the strength, though I don't know how, but I know there will be a  light to shine the path in front of me. I will always have faith, and belief that there's a rainbow for me.

      For now, I bid you farewell.

Love,

(insert name here)

p/s:- may you be blessed by the lord and live happily ever after.