Unrequited Love

          We've all been there before, or still going through it right now. The common phase of plucking off the petals of a rose saying "he loves me, he loves me not" or "she loves me, she loves me not" never grows old in any era. The feeling of love unrequited could sometimes make people stronger or sometimes just break apart their heart.

          The oxford dictionary defines 'unrequited' as (of a feeling, especially love) not returned. 
           It means, being in love with someone so deeply, but not getting the same love back. Either the person has no idea whatsoever of your love to that person, or that person doesn't reciprocate the feelings that you have.               

          I've never really had an unrequited love experience. I mean I only fell in love once and it ended, but that's a different story altogether. What I'm trying to say is, I've never fallen in love otherwise, but I did have my own share of crush unrequited though. It may not be the same as unrequited love, but it fits the category, because when you love someone, you do it with all your heart. On the other hand, a crush is just a form of infatuation, although it may sometimes be mistaken as love - but it isn't. It is just that - a crush.

           Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who'd had crushes in their lives. Even right now I'm crushing on someone, and no, I'm not disclosing who it is. Past experiences had told me that publicizing my crush may very well make me want to bury my head underground like an ostrich. That is because what I feel is not felt by the person on the other end. In the Malay language they have a saying for that which goes as "bertepuk tangan sebelah" , which means clapping with only one hand. It does make sense, in a way that no sound is produced if you clap with only one hand. You have to join both hands together to make a sound, which means there is no relationship if only one person is in love. For it to be a relationship, both people have to be in love.

          The crush I'm having right now is definitely only on my side as the guy is obviously attracted to another girl. I see them talking, laughing and flirting almost everyday. It's hard for me to watch, but I just swallow the hurt, and smile not to show my true feelings.
          It has happened many times, but it had never prolonged. Like I said, crushes are merely infatuation for someone's looks or appearance. We crush on someone without getting to know them better. If we still like them after knowing them, only then can those feelings turn into love.



           Which brings me to today's topic of unrequited love. This feeling can be very painful, as you feel your life energy draining out of you trying to hold on to the tiny thread holding you from the other person. It's like you've given up your heart for that person, and left your soul with them, but you can't find that love in their eyes. It is only you experiencing all that feeling.
          You wait and wait for them to respond to what you feel - but in vain. How long do you have to hold on, waiting for that love which you are not sure is even yours?




 No one wants to be in that situation, but sadly it always finds us. If you are feeling so, never give up. Never stop fighting, be strong as only the strong prevails.

And if you feel like all hope is lost, look around you and who knows, you might find something else that will make all the pain go away. If you open your eyes and turn away from the misery, there will be rainbow. Though it may not be what you've been waiting for, but you will know that it is what you never realized you've been looking for.

Music To Heal, Soothe and Rock up My Heart

          I love to listen to music. Most of the songs that I listen to are mainstream rock songs. I'm not into indie or underground or hard metal. Sometimes I also listen to the popular Pop songs that's playing on the radio. So when I'm down or mad or just plain bored I listen to my favorite songs. I have lots and lots of favorite songs, but below are some songs that will always put me back on the right mood.

1. Paramore - That's What You Get

The song that never fails to give me a booster at any given time.

2. Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending

This song was the best song for me after I broke off with my boyfriend. Let's just say the song speaks straight to my heart.

3. My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words.

"I am not afraid to keep one living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone."
Words to give us strength when we feel all alone in this world.

4. Tokio Hotel - Don't Jump

The one song that can bring tears to my eyes. And the ending lyric which goes as this:-
"and if all that can't hold you back...then i'll jump for you.."
how touching...don't it bring tears to your eyes?

unfortunately i can't get a perfect HD quality of the video but this will do.

5. Jesse McCartney - Because You Live

The only singer I've loved for a long time. I think I loved him since I was fifteen. His songs now are different from what he used to sing, but I still love him. This song is the best he ever sang.

As they say, No Music, No Life.

Eye-Sight

      I am a short-sighted person. I can't see more than 12 inches in front of me. That makes me rely my life on a spectacles, the one that I'm wearing now.

      I realized I couldn't see properly when I was around twelve, when my class chalkboard looked blur to me. I almost couldn't see what my teacher was writing on the board, and I had to squint to make the words look clearer. I started getting awful headaches and my eyes got sensitive to the sun-light.

      Then one day, when the school had eye check-up, the doctors said that I needed to get glasses as I had bad eyesight. I started my new year with new glasses. My first glasses were very nerdy-looking pink ones. I don't have it with me anymore, but I'd never wear them out in public anymore. It looked something like the picture beside. Not pretty, eh?

      As I grew older I changed many glasses I lost count of them. But my latest one looks similar to the picture beside. It's my trusted glass. I can't go anywhere without it. I've always wanted to get contact lenses but I never had the guts to wear it. I have a fear of poking something in my eye. A friend of mine once told me that wearing contacts aren't so hard, but I don't have the guts to try it just yet. Besides, my eyes are sensitive to sunlight so it tends to be irritated all the time. I might rub my lenses out anytime.
      Although I've always wanted to try on a purple color contact lenses. One day when I have the guts to finally put on contacts, I will try a purple one.

Trust

      It's so hard to trust. I've run out of people whom I can really trust. You think you can trust someone and they turned out to be faking to you all along.
      I don't mean anyone in particular. I meant almost everyone that I've come to known. They somehow manage to betray the trust, friendship and loyalty I may have had on them. I daresay that I am a loyal friend and that you can lay your trust in me if you are my friend. I do not back-stab a friend, nor will I talk about a friend behind their back. My friends can count on me to have their back.
      But why can't I find someone who'd back me up in a fight or be there for me when others are against?
      I thought I can trust some people whom I knew recently, but I realized that no one cares about anyone anymore. Everyone's out for their own gain, their own selves. Of course I've known friends who are loyal and trustworthy ( you know who you are ).
     And those who lost my trust, you may not know that I know, but you know in your hearts that you are not a true friend. Think about it and consider whether we should go on or not.

On A Valentine's day

Cue Song:- Linkin Park's Valentine's day
  
      It's been almost a year. In five days it will be a year. A year since I've broken up with my first boyfriend. The first few months were horrible, really horrible and full of bitterness. I wake up everyday feeling hollow inside. I mean, who wouldn't feel that way? The guy you thought you could never live without is no longer in your life.
      We were together for almost two years ( if I'm not mistaken ), been friends before we hooked up. A few months into our relationship, I was transferred to another state for work and he was back here in my hometown. We somehow worked out a long-distance relationship of texting and calling each other almost everyday. Then he was transferred to another state too, somewhere south from where I was.
      The distance somehow didn't seem to be a problem for us at that point, as we could somehow work this thing out. Or so I thought. Then things started going downhill. We both became busy as workload seems to be taking a toll on us. And he was becoming too pushy for me, in many ways.
     We started arguing more, not a lot, not a scream-fest, but we seem to have more minor disagreements in comparison to before those times. The last straw was when the last time we met and I was in a terrible state. I was having a lot of pressure at work, pressure that made me resign and instead of being there for me like he always promised, he seemed vacantly oblivious of what I'm going through.
     He was more interested in the fact he'll never be able to visit the state that I was working in as he can't make trips there. Come on, how insensitive can a guy be?
     I was already having doubts on whether to continue this relationship or not, but I didn't have the guts to end it. I was like everyone else, thinking it will change, thinking he will change. But I guess I was hanging on to a thin thread that was about to crumble.
     After I moved back to my hometown he barely called or texted me. I didnt do the same too as I was busy figuring out what to do with my life then. I thought the problem between me and him could be solved later. Then Valentine's day came around the corner and guess what? He didnt even called me or text me to wish me. Every other couples in love would be planning something romantic and my own boyfriend could not even call me up and wish me. When he finally wished me in the evening, we had a little fight and we never texted each other or called each other again as I deliberated my next step.
     I decided to send him an email about what I felt and I told him that if he doesn't want to be in a relationship then it was best if we broke up. I actually thought that he'd try to make things better, as I had previously done once or twice break-up tactics and he always managed to coax me out of it. But I guessed this time he felt that we needed the space too and he said that he agreed with a breakup.
     I was devastated. Well, at that time, I was in a dilemma. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be in a relationship or not, and I had expected him to want me to stay, instead he said that he feels cooped up in a relationship and he wants to lead a single life. There was no turning back.
     I was so afraid to let go, but finally it had happened. I had wanted it to last longer, but to think about prolonged agony and disappointment, it was a good thing it ended. I always thought I couldn't bear to live without him, but now, after a year, it's safe to say that I have always been and always will be able to be on my own.

A New Image

     I was considering the thought of changing the image of my blog. I mean for as long as I've been using it, it has been adorned with the pictures of my favorite band. My blog is not about music, nor my fave bands, but it is about anything that I want to write about. Anything at all that crosses my mind.
     Right now I'm in the midst of picking a new theme, packed with a new name and new pictures. Hopefully I won't be disappointed with my selection.